You Can't Choose Love Read online

  In an attempt to distract herself from what feels like impending doom, Ashton turns the radio down and tries to figure out what Faith is getting them into. “You know I’m not a fan of your surprises.”

  “Well, big sis, as much as I loved seeing Autumn’s little filly being brought into this world, (I’ll have to burn all those clothes, by the way) so you owe me.”

  “Whatever, you slept through half of it. I should be at the stable right now. That’s gotta be more important than what this is.”

  Faith blots her lips, puts away the lipstick and gives Ashton a mischievous grin.

  Ashton presses further. “Let me guess, boys from the other side of the river and beer?”

  “Don’t act like that’s a bad thing. Better than you sitting at home reading one of those worn out romance novels you love so much.”

  “God forbid you pick up a book. Can’t stay out too late, anyway…have to prepare our stock for the State Fair. Besides, the boys around here are so lame.”

  “Even Bobby Darren?” Faith teases, knowing he’s Ashton’s biggest crush.

  “Well, he’s alright. Is he going to be there?”

  “It’s Danny’s, his brother’s birthday. He’ll be there, and I’m sure the usual bunch of troublemakers.”

  Ashton can’t contain her smile as she looks out the window staring at the stars. She’s always liked Bobby - high school quarterback, a disarming smile and soft black hair she’d love to run her fingers through. She always acted uninterested, but Faith knew her too well and would catch her staring at him on the sidelines during the games and at practices. She especially took notice whenever he took his shirt off, which he always seemed to do during practices. Good thing for Ashton the bleachers were her favorite place to read from. Faith didn’t mind the bleachers too much, either. For her, it was under the bleachers that held her favorite hobby.

  “Sex!” blurts out Faith.

  “What?” Ashton snaps out of day dreaming about Bobby.

  “When’s the last time you got laid, anyway?”

  “Geez, Faith! I’m not like you. I don’t kiss and tell.”

  “Well, I hope you shaved and didn’t wear your granny panties tonight.”

  “You know you don’t have to say everything you think.” Ashton blushes and shakes her head in disbelief.

  “You know that’s why you love me.” Faith jokes, as she shifts gears and starts to bring the truck onto the lake road.

  Thousands of stars reflect over the large black lake. The smell of burning embers permeate the air as a bonfire glows in the distance. Laughter and music echo through the trees and over the water. As Faith and Ashton pull closer they see a group of guys roughhousing and girls watching from nearby. Faith pulls her Chevy next to a collection of big-wheeled trucks and comes to a stop.

  Faith reaches into the glove compartment past Ashton and pulls out a leather-bound flask of alcohol. She takes a swig and hands it to Ashton. Ashton doesn’t like parties, doesn’t like boys showing off and doesn’t like pretending to be someone she isn’t. But she hates saying no to Faith even more, so she takes the flask and reluctantly takes a sip. She chokes as it burns her throat. “What is this, gasoline?!”

  “It’s Daddy’s moonshine, but don’t tell. So, you ready to get your flirt on? Here’s your chance to let Bobby know you exist.”

  “I’m just here for the ride. I don’t have any expectations.”

  “Right,” Faith says with disbelief as she gets out of the truck. “Well, Debbie Wilson has been broken up with Bobby for months now, so you have a chance.”

  Ashton can see Bobby through a slit between truck windows. He is sitting in front of the bonfire. The flames glow around his chiseled t-shirt covered physique, which seem to have become only more defined since high school.

  Faith, wearing a tank top and daisy dukes, opens Ashton’s door and pulls out the dazed Ashton, who can’t take her eyes off of Bobby. She looks Ashton up and down and sighs. Ashton shrugs and asks, “What?” Faith ignores her and starts unbuttoning Ashton’s plaid shirt. She ties its shirt tails into a bow making a make-shift tank top. She pulls down her shorts, just a little, to expose more of her midsection. She then unbuttons the top to give Ashton more cleavage. After jostling with Ashton’s hair she exclaims, “Perfect…more slutty.” They head to the group around the bonfire.

  “The Forty…thirty…the twenty…touchdown!!! The crowd goes wild!!!” Bobby jokingly reenacts a championship high school game for the gathering of girls and guys.

  “That was making up for the first quarter when Neederman couldn’t hike you the ball for the life of him,” laughs a jock friend nearby. The crowd laughs.

  “That’s right, Neederman. I totally forgot about..” Bobby’s thought is interrupted once he sees Ashton coming his way.

  “Hey, guys,” Faith yells as her and Ashton move up the sand to the bonfire. The guys shout back to Faith with excitement.

  “Oh no, trouble is here,” says Teddy, a blonde guy in the group wearing a rock and roll shirt.

  “You remember Ashton? She went to school with us,” Faith says to Bobby, who doesn’t remember Ashton, but wishes he did.

  “Oh yeah, of course! Thanks for coming. We got drinks over there. You know the guys: Willie, Teddy, Bronk and my brother and birthday boy, Danny. Then there’s Shelly and Allie from the good ole’ days, too,” Bobby belts out, trying to be overly hospitable to Ashton, who’s caught his eye.

  Faith yells, “Happy Birthday” to Danny and heads over to Teddy, leaving Ashton by herself. Ashton tries to keep her anxiety from going through the roof. Parties and gatherings weren’t her thing. She smiles nervously at her crush. Bobby offers her a drink from a nearby cooler.

  “This is exactly what I need right now - a little liquid courage,” she thinks to herself. Ashton takes a liquor tea mix and Bobby pulls out a cold beer for himself.

  Music is turned up from a nearby truck. The group dispels into smaller groups and a few couples pair off. Embers from the bonfire dance in the air. Faith and Teddy have disappeared to the bed of his truck, and Ashton finds herself sitting on a log next to Bobby Darren, laughing and smiling at just about everything he says. Bobby’s brother, Danny, is on the other side of the bonfire, talking about trucks with a few friends.

  “So what are you up to nowadays?” Ashton asks to keep the conversation going. “Guess life’s a little different when you’re not winning titles.”

  “Yeah, have to work a little harder now, I guess. When I broke my arm, that was kind of the end of everything I had in mind for my future. “

  “That’s right. Sorry.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Danny says it was the best thing for my ego. Apparently, my head was getting too big.” Bobby starts to talk louder for Danny to hear. Danny smiles from a distance, sensing he’s being talked about. “So what about you?”

  “Just working on the family ranch, helping with the animals, preparing for the State Fair this weekend. I keep meaning to leave the farm and do something else. I guess I lacked the ambition to do much else. I want to, but I like animals. It’s the only life form I really understand,” Ashton rattles out. She tends to talk a lot when she’s nervous.

  Bobby smirks as he scoots closer to Ashton. “So, no luck with us humans, I guess? No boyfriend?”

  “Not so much,” Ashton takes a quick drink. She’s never been this close to Bobby, at least not in real life. Plenty of times she’s fantasized about his hands running through her hair. She’s salivated over the idea of pressing her hands on his hardened chest. She’s dreamt about devouring his lips.

  “Really, I doubt that. I bet you have to beat the guys away.” Bobby brushes Ashton’s hair from her face and behind her exposed neck. Her body tingles with anticipation. He can’t help but glance down at her body, noticing her exposed cleavage. Even Ashton had to admit Faith’s quick wardrobe fix made her look sexy. His lips get closer to her as he talks. “I think I remember you watching me from the stands during practice.”


  “Uh, hm. Talk about EGO. I may have glanced over while reading,” Ashton fumbles over her words as she watches Bobby move his firm hand over her exposed leg. Bobby leans in to kiss Ashton when…

  HONK! HONK! A red Corvette blares its horns from across the lake. Bobby looks up and shakes his head in disbelief. “Sorry, Ashton.”

  “What? What’s wrong?” Ashton beckoned in frustration. She was so close to a kiss from Bobby.

  “It’s Debbie,” Yells Danny who’s excited to see another person arrive at his birthday celebration.

  “It’s my Ex. She’s always about the drama. Let me talk with her. I’ll be right back.” Bobby kisses her on the cheek and walks away.

  Ashton watches Bobby walk over to the Corvette that pulled up behind the trucks. Ashton grabs another drink. She looks around and feels alone. Just about everyone else has paired up and left into make-shift tents, truck beds, sleeping bags and the corners of the woods. She glances over at the truck she saw Faith go over to and sees it shaking up and down. Ashton shakes her head in disbelief.

  “Story of my life,” Ashton thinks to herself. She looks up at the night sky and sees a shooting a star. She’d make a wish on it, but didn’t see the point. It doesn’t look like luck would be on her side her tonight, either. She decides to spy on Bobby to see what’s taking so long.

  Ashton slowly creeps toward where she thought Bobby went. She didn’t know what to expect, as she walked back. Different scenarios played through her head. The one she liked most was Bobby telling Debbie that he found someone else and ended with his ex driving off. What she saw was much worse.

  Bobby’s pants were around his ankles, and Debbie was passionately moaning on the hood of her car. Ashton felt a mix of betrayal and curiosity. Her heart ached, but she was so aroused seeing Bobby’s muscular thighs thrusting into Debbie. She couldn’t help but stare. She had to force herself to look away. She quickly made her way back to the log. She pulled back a whimper and held back her tears. Danny watches from nearby and pretends not to notice. He smiles and looks away. As she started feeling sorry for herself, a fleeting thought raced through her mind. How about Danny?

  Danny wasn’t Bobby. He didn’t have the ruggedness or quarterback charm, but he was sweet. Ashton was sexually frustrated and a little tipsy. At this moment, any man would do for her. She was just craving a soft human touch. She wanted to be lusted, seduced, devoured… She’d even settle for a half-decent kiss. She talked herself into giving herself to Danny. After all, it was Danny’s birthday. And no one else was around at this point.

  The fire had dwindled down and Danny was just enjoying the music. “Maybe it won’t be so bad,” she thought to herself. It’s been awhile since she’s been with anyone. She makes her way to Danny, who’s smiling and very drunk. She leans into kiss him and…

  “Oh my god!” Ashton shrieks as Danny pukes all over her.

  The Chevy door slams. Keys are pulled from the visor. The ignition starts, and Ashton takes off without Faith. She’d find her own way home, and Ashton had enough.

  ARE YOU ARE OUT THERE

  Ashton’s eyes close tightly. Her tears soon blend with the flood of water from a rusty shower head. Her naked body is caressed by the streams of hot water. She tries to clear her thoughts and mind but keeps thinking of Bobby’s muscular thighs and firm ass thrusting over and over again. She couldn’t help but imagine that it was her he was pounding into. Ashton rubs her fingertips over her nipples as she thinks of him. She imagines what he’d feel like inside her. Her emotions teeter from arousal to anger. She forces herself to stop. The shower shuts off. Ashton grabs a towel.

  She steps out onto the cold tiled floor and walks over to the foggy mirror. She wipes the condensation from the mirror about where her eyes are and stares at herself.

  “You are pathetic, Ashton Alexander,” she says to herself, before touching the steamed mirror and adding a teardrop below her right eye. She wipes the whole mirror with her hand and firmly wraps her towel around her body. She knows her dad’s asleep and heads downstairs to the den.

  Wet and covered in a large white towel, Ashton sits on a wooden chair in the family’s makeshift den/library. Ashton has lived with her dad and sister in this large 1950’s ranch style house in the middle of 20 acres of land ever since she can remember. She barely remembers her mom, who died a few years after Faith was born. Her dads never awake this late, and she was too upset to care if he woke up to see her in this state. She’s gone from crying and upset to angry. She would love to tell anyone who’d listen. Her thoughts keep returning to Bobby.

  “Men are pigs! No, that’s degrading to pigs,” Ashton reasons to herself. The alcohol is still in her system. She wants to rant, and there is no one around to rant to. Normally she’d vent to Faith, but even she was getting it on; although that’s not a huge surprise. Men are pigs, after all, and those pigs tend to fall head over heels for Faith. She has them wrapped around her finger.

  Ashton looks around the room as she feels sorry for herself and sees an old HAM radio hidden under piles of books. She and her dad used to use it and pretend to talk to Alien life forms when she was younger. He’d always seem to pull it out when Ashton was having a bad day. Ashton pushes off some old Louis L’Amour western books that her dad likes to read to reveal a wood covered HAM radio. She reaches around the back of it and flicks on the power. A yellow light from the display slowly makes the room glow as it gets brighter. Static and frequency sounds echo throughout the den. Ashton turns the number dial to listen for voices, or anything recognizable. It was mostly static. She reaches for the microphone.

  “Hello. Hello, Universe. Anyone out there? Anyone available for a loving, lonely girl?” Ashton pouts, feeling sorry for herself. Just more static.

  “There has to be someone out there…some prince charming to sweep me off my feet…someone who’ll appreciate every inch of me.” Ashton keeps turning the dial as she talks. High pitched space-like sounds start to come from the radio. “I’m a great catch. I’m good with animals. I like to read. I make a wicked King Ranch casserole. I have a lot of love to give.”

  BUMP…BUMP…BEEP! Ashton is startled but realizes her phone had a text message on it. She gets up and walks over to her phone. She doesn’t notice that the radio frequencies are getting a rhythm. She looks at her phone message.

  “Sorry for Bobby being such an AHOLE. I saw that he was making out with his Ex. Thanks for stealing the truck, you jerk. No worries, I’ll get a ride with Teddy. Well, another ride with Teddy, if you know what I mean.”

  Ashton rolls her eyes and slams down her phone. She angrily burst out of the house covered only in her tightly wrapped towel. A worn screen door slams shut behind her. She jumps off a warped porch and runs toward a large grass field. With each step she runs harder and harder, trying to subdue her stinging emotions. She’s tired of being alone. She’s tired of Faith flaunting a new guy each week in front of her. She’s tired of not being good enough. The corn fields get closer and closer. She runs till the house becomes just a few lights in the distance. She stops just before the cornfields. Her sides begin to hurt, and she coughs to breathe. The last time she’s run this far, this fast, was when she broke up with her first boyfriend when she turned 13.

  Ashton falls to her knees crying. She screams into her hands, then collapses to the ground. The towel unravels and she finds herself lying nude under millions of stars in the dark purple sky. Blades of grass billow around her like ocean waves as the wind blows its cold breath. She sniffles and starts to take in the beauty and magnitude of the night sky above.

  “How am I still alone?” she whispers to herself. She looks at all the stars and planets above. “Surely I’m worthy of someone, something.”

  Cold wind whips by, giving Ashton chills. Then everything stops. No wind. No sound. Not even a cricket. An eerie silence engulfs the field. Ashton sits up; her breasts exposed and hair still wet. The white towel sits beneath her. A whirring sound can be heard. Invisible elec
tricity fills the air. Three lights zoom by in the night sky. Ashton gasps. Another three lights zig zag and move in the opposite direction before disappearing.

  “Oh crap, oh crap!” Ashton yells as she grabs her towel and starts to run bare naked back to the house. She makes it two yards before an invisible force grabs her and lifts her up. A beam of light comes from the night and wraps around her body. Her naked form is suspended in midair. She feels like she’s swimming in place as she tries to wiggle free. The light gets brighter; a burning sensation fills her. She screams. The light devours her. All goes black.

  ANIMAL IN A CAGE

  Blurry shapes and lights are all Ashton can make out for the first thirty minutes of waking up. She hears unearthly sounds and feels many random sensations as a liquid moves over her nude body. No matter how hard she tries, she can’t move her body or hands. Ashton normally would be terrified. After all, she’s had a fear of small spaces since she was a child. At the moment, though, she has no fear. She feels like laughing but doesn’t know why. The liquid moves and dances and changes forms and colors. Ashton is fascinated and wonders if this is what taking mushrooms would be like. She’s never done any drugs before. Ashton feels a tickling sensation, and the liquid turns purple as Ashton starts to giggle from the touch. The liquid rolls off of her and absorbs into the floor which is covered with soft color changing gels throughout.

  Her body starts to tingle as blood seems to flow back throughout her limbs. Ashton can finally move her fingers. Her giggles subside, and her emotions return to normal. She’s afraid. “Where am I?” she wonders. She sits up to look around at her alien environment. The room is dark and metallic in form. The air is humid. There is no furniture, but there are shapes that extrude from the walls that resemble chairs and tables. Bright mini-lights are scattered throughout the room. Beams of light shoot through slits in the wall.